Mrs. Maverick or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Sarah Palin

At first I was afraid, I was petrified, thinking I could never live with her by my side.

But oh how times have changed.

I mean, it seems like only yesterday that Sarah Plain haunted my dreams. Wait - it literally was yesterday. Yikes. Well anyway, since September this woman has been the storm on my horizon; the bane of my existence; the thorn in my side.

No longer. For on this chilly November night, she's become something akin to a warm, childhood blanket, smothering me with affection and comforting me from my deepest, darkest worries. Surprised? Well consider this: Sarah Palin, by her presence alone, has made the reality of a President Obama far, far more likely. Humanity owes this woman, this vivacious lipstick wearing pit bull, our sincerest gratitude, goshdarnit.

Now, I admit, I've been suspicious of Mrs. Palin for some time. So much so that I was one of the relatively few who did not either swoon or panic upon her ceremonious arrival. Not to brag - I will - but I quickly saw through the political theater, Orwellian trickery and senselessness of it all. Watching the sputtering pundits, those weaselly political establishment figures and every simpleton from Arkansas to Alaska praise this woman puzzled me. Had they all gone mad? Yes, yes they had, but so too had the once-chipper Democratic faithful. I still remember several progressive types fretting that the election was now forfeit because Mrs. Palin, with her salt-of-the-earth charm, riled up some imbecilic country-dwellers and trust-fund babies at the Republican Convention. In all, the preening on the right and the hysterics on the left troubled me a great deal.

And so began my tumultuous affair with all things Mavericky.

In response to all the hullabaloo, I voiced my concerns, and opined that, given time, Obama would regain his lead, expose McCain for the cynical charlatan he was, and, ultimately, ride into the sunset with victory by his side. I'm confident that my words will indeed be prophetic.

Regardless, watching Sarah Palin's political free-fall has been a treat. From the get-go, a certain carnivalesque atmosphere surrounded this woman, but it took Tina Fey's saucy impersonation for the truth to really resonate. That truth, of course, is that Mrs. Palin offers little in the way of intelligence, seriousness, or preparedness.

Mark Twain once said that every man is a moon, with a dark side he doesn't reveal (I totally stole this from a recent article in Time). Perhaps the same cannot be said for the modern politician - man or woman, for their lives are less elusive and wondrous than before. The twenty-first century politician is more like a planet, one that is brimming with life and potential, and constantly subjected to exploration, examination and destruction. Thankfully, before settling on Planet Palin, we toured it far and wide, coming across some rather treacherous terrain. Underneath the shimmering surface was a vindictive, religiously-obsessed and mentally inept lifeform, one who threatened the intellectual stamina and virtues of humanity. The majority blasted off in search of a more prosperous future. John McCain, ever stubbornly, succumbed to the siren calls, planting his flag with pride and calling the land home. As a result, the poor old man is dwindling away on this inhabitable rock, nearly alone and conveniently lost in space.This is the cosmically laughable situation in which Mr. McCain finds himself in today.

There's no question that Palin has effectively torpedoed McCain's chances, and remarkably, almost single-handily. With every cringe-inducing interview she gives and abrasive speech she delivers, Palin nudges another concerned citizen towards Obama. Since September, her favorable ratings have plummeted and, now more than ever, a vast majority of Americans accept that this woman is pitiful farce. In fact, a recent New York Times poll found the number to have peaked, and, by golly, just at the right time.

All told, 59 percent of voters surveyed said Ms. Palin was not prepared for the job, up nine percentage points since the beginning of the month. Nearly a third of voters polled said the vice-presidential selection would be a major factor influencing their vote for president, and those voters broadly favor Senator Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee.

It's all quite humorous. Yet the most fascinating aspect of this train wreck has been the demise of the Republican coalition. One by one every conservative (nearly every, I should say) with a soul (or perhaps foresight) has jumped ship to Obama. Even McCain's loyal staff - those incredulous straight talkers - began bickering to the media about Palin's troublesome antics. She, they argued, had warped their message and cost them dearly. You think? Last week, for instance, an anonymous McCain aid called Mrs. Plain a "whack job." That snippy bastard. How dare he! After all, I can't have Team Hope's most precious commodity ridiculed so crudely. Well anyway, it seemed to snowball from there, as more and more disgruntled McCainians fumed about Palin's peculiar behavior. One cowering McCain official ranted endlessly against the Thrilla' from Wasilla:

“She is a diva. She takes no advice from anyone,” the advisor told CNN. “She does not have any relationships of trust with any of us, her family or anyone else. Also she is playing for her own future and sees herself as the next leader of the party. Remember: divas trust only unto themselves as they see themselves as the beginning and end of all wisdom.”

And another:

"She's lost confidence in most of [the McCain advisers] on the plane," said a senior Republican who speaks to Palin, referring to her campaign jet.

Go on...

"I think she'd like to go more rogue," he said.

Rogue you say! Well, duh. John McCain is absolutely poisonous. By this point, Palin's playing a game of self-preservation, if not for her gubernatorial office, than a possible duel with Obama in 2012. She'll loose, of course, whether in the primaries or general election remains to be seen. This woman was a dangerous weapon, one that backfired on its possessor, and exposed the rabid-right wing for the vapid cretins they have become. Good riddance, my darling.

I'll let Mr. Christopher Hitchens take it from here. Fire away, old chap:

This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. And those who prate of spiritual warfare and demons are not just "people of faith" but theocratic bullies. On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity.

Advantage Hope? You Betcha.